Thursday, March 6, 2014

You know You are in Australia When...

Ladies and gentlemen! I will be making this post a continuously edited one in which I will attempt to add funny facts that I have learned and experienced overall. It will be henceforth called: You Know You Are In Australia When.....

...your professor talks about hurdles in all frankness.

...things are not just "required," they are "compulsory."

...someone offers you goon. (Goon of Fortune)

...if you need to ask any questions that means you have "quiries," not "inquires."

...jelly isn't jam, it's jello.

...this XXXX is NOT Quadruple X; it's Four X.

...all foreigners must be informed that there is such a thing as a drop bear, and you must be vigilant of the tree tops.

...talking politics means talking smack about Tony Abbot. have tried a dessert called Pavlova, made from whipped egg whites (tastes like really sweet marshmallow fluff).

...possums hang from the pipes on the ceiling, and trees are wrapped in metal sometimes to prevent them from climbing the protected trees. think someone is cooking a BBQ at 11pm and then you realize you are smelling a bushfire (for the first time for me was 19th March). know that it is okay to pick fun at the Tazzies by asking them to show you their scar where their second head was removed, and they retort with a reminder about their extra toes.

....if you don't think it's possible for you to have a nickname, you are proven wrong. If your last name is Campbell you are sure as hell going to be called tomato soup at some point. Your teacher gives you nicknames, and you call them by theirs.

...fruit punch is cordial and lemonade tastes like Sprite. know who Rhonda is.'s a BIG ad we're in.

...."how many do you do?" isn't an offensive or dirty question to ask.

...someone asks you what you have been up to this arvo. hold the door open for someone, and they say "Cheers," in response. discover there are five seasons, spring, summer, autumn, winter, and F*** it which can happen any time of the year it likes. side with your teachers over which footy team you like even if you don't like that team because if you don't, it will bite you in the arse.

...they ask you to repeat a word because that it amuses them how you pronounce a word with your American accent, or even better, they don't understand your thick American accent.

...if you remember some of the lyrics of the second verse of the national anthem, you're normal, if you remember all of the lyrics of the second verse of the national anthem, you're a show off, if you remember any of the lyrics to the third verse of the national anthem, you're lying.

...the grass is always greener in the 'Bush'.....or is it?

...."No actual MALTESERS where hurt during the making of this bunny." the local people's opinion the music on the radio is sh**. There is only one good radio station, and the rest are oldies or country. know what piss up at my place means.

...your favorite television show always airs at least a week after it airs everywhere else.

...see a cop car, flash your lights to warn drivers coming the other direction is common courtesy.

...when you have to wait for the water to get cold from the tap.

...Tim Minchin is everyone's hero and a LOT better than Weird Al. get a thong tan line and its no where near your rear end.

...their candy is better than American candy (which is sickeningly sweet).

....they talk about pies, but they mean meat pies, not dessert pies.

...a dollop of ice cream goes well on pancakes.

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